“Seniors Stroll the Bases” Gets Out of Hand
June 10, 2008 –
The Phillies' "Seniors Stroll the Bases" promotion–in which the elderly are invited to walk slowly around the bases after games–ended in chaos following Thursday's win over Cincinnati, as dozens of the seniors tore apart the infield, set fire to third base, and urinated on the outfield tarp. "I don't know what got into them, but it was absolutely terrifying," said still-shaken assistant groundskeeper Jeremy Wilt. "At one point, I really thought I was going to be caned to death."
 Esther Lawhorn, 78, admitted that she had taken part in the surprising fit of violence. "I believe it started when one fellow sneezed on another fellow," she recalled from her bed at St. Ignatius Nursing Home. "They started scuffling a little bit, and it just went downhill from there." After a pause, she added, "To tell you the truth, setting the base on fire was my idea." Gene Harris, 80, said that he had lost his dentures in the melee. "It was forty, forty-five old folks, just goin' wild," he laughed, shaking his head. "Some woman went and knocked my teeth out, but I showed her. I snatched her walker and threw it in the dugout."
According to Mike DiMuzio, the Phillies' director of ballpark operations, the future of Seniors Stroll the Bases was very much in doubt. "It's become one of our most popular promotions, but I just can't see how it can continue after what happened on Thursday," he said. "If we do hold it again, you can bet there'll be plenty of security on hand." Lawhorn, meanwhile, was still buzzing over the slow-motion riot. "It's been years since I've felt so alive," she said, a gleam in her eye. "I sure hope the Phillies hold it again. And if they do, next time, I'm bringing the lighter fluid."
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Utley’s Heroics Matched by His Charisma
June 10, 2008 –
Chase Utley's recent heroics at the plate, which have helped vault the 39-26 Phillies into first place in the National League East, are matched only by his outsized personality, if recent comments are any indication. "I guess what's happening is that I'm hitting the ball," said the all-star second baseman, staring at his feet, following Sunday's 6-3 win in Atlanta. "The pitcher throws it, and then...you know...I hit it."
The colorful MVP candidate added that his recent hot streak–seven home runs, 23 RBI, and a .358 average in his last 14 games–had been the product of much preparation. "I've been watching tape," he said as he idly scratched his knee. After a pause, he added, "Lots of tape." As if to prove his point, the charismatic star entered the clubhouse's video room and sat down on the couch. "This is where I sat yesterday. To watch the tape."
Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins marveled at Utley's unique combination of skill and vivacity. "People used to say I was the brash one, but Chase has definitely taken that title," he chuckled. "Like, after we came back into the locker room last night, he sat down and drank a cup of water. I'm tellin' you, man, the guy is crazy." Utley, for his part, said that he was simply acting in the only way that came naturally. "I guess I can get a little, you know, 'wild' sometimes," he said, gazing at a blank TV screen on the far side of the room. "It's just the way I am, I guess."
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