Poorly-Disguised Mitchell at Eagles Minicamp
June 3, 2008 –
Flamboyant former Eagles receiver Freddie Mitchell arrived at the team's minicamp on Thursday in full pads and uniform–all the while holding a comb under his nose, apparently meant as a disguising mustache. "It was pretty pathetic, to be honest," said head coach Andy Reid of Mitchell's feeble attempt to rejoin the team. "He sort of came up next to me on the field and in this weird, kind of British accent, goes, 'Hello, sir. I've heard you might be seeking a wide receiver?'"
Backup quarterback Dan Kolb was also approached by Mitchell, who hasn't played professionally since the Eagles released him in 2005. "He jogs over to me with his little comb and goes, 'Good day! Would you mind if I ran a few routes for you?' I looked over at [quarterbacks coach] Pat [Shurmur], and he was shaking his head, like, 'Get away from that guy!'" Tight end prospect Mike Gasperson, too, was skeptical of the onetime Eagle. "We were in line, running patterns, and he sort of edged in behind me," he said. "When it was his turn, everyone got all awkward and the drill just kind of stopped. It was really uncomfortable."
Mitchell, meanwhile, insisted that he had been nowhere near the team's preseason camp. "I don't know what these guys are talkin' about, but it definitely wasn't me," he said by telephone from Indiana, where he has worked as a substitute teacher. "Seriously, man, it could've been anybody behind that comb." Reid, though, seemed certain that the imposter in question had indeed been the notorious first-round bust. "Oh, yeah, there's no question it was him. You don't forget a guy like Freddie Mitchell. Unfortunately."
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Canseco/Sikahema Bout to Restore Boxing’s Honor
June 3, 2008 –
A planned July 12 match between disgraced former baseball star Jose Canseco and ex-Eagle Vai Sikahema may finally restore honor to the once-proud sport of boxing, according to local experts. "Boxing's taken so many hits to its reputation over the years, what with Mike Tyson, Don King, et cetera," Bernard Hernandez of the Philadelphia Daily News said yesterday. "This fight, though? This could be the one that'll bring boxing all the way back."
 At a press conference this morning, Canseco, the acknowledged steroid abuser, seemed aware of the bout's wide-ranging implications. "Sure, part of the reason I arranged the fight was because of my current financial situation," he admitted, referring to a recently-foreclosed mortgage and two hefty divorce settlements. "But, c'mon– that's not the only reason. I knew that I could really help make boxing the jewel that it once was." According to Sikahema, now NBC 10's sports director, "This isn't like Danny Bonaduce or Vanilla Ice or Tonya Harding in the ring. This is one of the 'Bash Brothers' against a former Pro Bowler. Now, it might not be Ali-Frazier–but it'll be damn close."
Co-promoter Bobby Capone agreed that the fight, to be held at Atlantic City's Bernie Robbins Stadium, would likely rejuvenate the fading sport. "Boxing's really been missing that one classic battle, y'know? De La Hoya-Mayweather wasn't it. Neither was Mayweather-Hatton. But you know what will be? You got it: Canseco-Sikahema." Hernandez agreed. "Boxing has pretty much vanished from the public consciousness," he sighed. "That's why I'm especially thankful for what Jose Canseco is doing. It's obvious he really respects the sweet science."
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