Flyers Looking Forward to Good, Clean Series
May 6, 2008 – The Flyers, whose surprising playoff run continues Friday in the Eastern Conference finals against the Pittsburgh Penguins, insist that, despite a history of bad blood between the two teams, fans should expect a good, clean series. "People can talk about all the fighting and dirty plays over the last couple years, but we're past all that," said defenseman Jason Smith as he carefully duct-taped a hunting knife onto his stick blade. "I think these games are going to be a lot of fun."
Center Mike Richards agreed. "We've been talking a lot about keeping our passes crisp, taking advantage of the power play–that sort of thing," he said, sewing an acid-filled water gun into the palm of his glove. "For our fans, this series should be real entertaining to watch." Goalie Martin Biron had similar words. "No doubt about it, I just have to keep doing my job in the crease," he said as he slowly dipped his blocker in a bucket of hot glue and broken glass. "I really need to stay sharp out there."
Penguins superstar Sidney Crosby, meanwhile, seemed concerned that the best-of-seven series would be marked by the brutality that has become commonplace between the intrastate rivals. "Whenever we play them, it's pretty much chaos," he said, nervously stapling pillows to the inside of his jersey. "They might say it'll be a clean series, but I really don't know if I trust them." Smith, for his part, brushed aside such accusations. "The only thing I'm concerned about is keeping Crosby, [center Evgeni] Malkin, and [winger Marian] Hossa off the scoreboard," he said, dropping five-pound weights into his gloves. "But I have a feeling we'll find ways to stop them." |
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Howard Lobbying For 4-Strike Rule
May 6, 2008 – Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard, mired in a horrific early-season slump, admitted yesterday that he had lobbied Commissioner Bud Selig's office for an extra strike. "My agent [Casey Close] sent them a letter last week, you know, just seeing if it was at all possible," said the 2006 NL MVP, who is batting .169 with 46 strikeouts in just 118 at-bats. "We haven't heard back yet, but I'm hoping they'll give it to me. I'm really, really hoping."
Close acknowledged that the scuffling slugger's campaign would be an uphill battle. "It's a long shot, but, hey, nobody thought we'd win in arbitration, either, you know?" he smirked. "Listen: Ryan's committed to turning things around–he's taking extra BP, working with the coaches, watching video–a fourth strike would just be one part of all that." Hitting coach Milt Thompson, however, seemed less enamored of the proposed change. "He's not seeing the ball real well, and he's trying to pull everything, which is what got him into trouble last year," he said, referring to Howard's record-setting 199 strikeouts in 2007. "Personally, I think that instead of asking for an extra strike, he should just cut down on his swing a little bit. But what do I know?"
Meanwhile, Selig spokesman Rich Levin said it was highly unlikely that the league would approve a fourth strike for any player–even one of its most bankable young stars. "Ryan's a great talent and a great guy, but it's doubtful we'd authorize such a drastic change," he said. "A decision will be issued within the month, but I would advise him not to count too much on getting strike four." Howard, for his part, remained hopeful that an extra strike could rejuvenate an increasingly frustrating season. "I don't want any special treatment, I really don't," he insisted. "But at the same time, a fourth strike would definitely help. I mean, at least I think it would." |
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