Woman “The Jocelyn Kirsch of Fogelsville”
June 3, 2008 –
Ellie Mae Watson, a suspected kleptomaniac and homemaker in the tiny Lehigh County village of Fogelsville, is steadily gaining a reputation similar to that of Philadelphia scam artist Jocelyn Kirsch. "Just this mornin', we seen her comin' out the 7-11 with a hot dog under her shirt," Deputy Clem Harford said yesterday of the 64-year-old widower. "But that kinda thing happens all the time with Ellie Mae. I tell you what, she's just like that Kirsch girl y'all got down there."
 Watson, just like the 22-year-old former Drexel student, had also taken advantage of trusting friends and neighbors. "I come out the other mornin', and I seen Ellie Mae runnin' off with my newspaper," said next-door neighbor Ike Tompkins, 51. "I didn't say nothin', though, 'cause I felt kinda bad for her. The woman just can't help herself." Another neighbor, Dot Richardson, 59, outlined one more similarity between Watson and Kirsch, who is currently awaiting trial on multiple charges of identity theft and fraud. "Ellie Mae stole my grandson's tricycle and rode all the way to Haafsville on it," she said, dismayed. "It's just like that Kirsch girl–goin' on fancy trips and such."
Watson, who as yet has not been formally charged with any crime, welcomed comparisons to the notorious Kirsch. "Lordy, that girl is one saucy little thing–boobs out to here and a butt that won't quit," she laughed, sipping a recently-pilfered can of Mr. Pibb. "Now, you might not think so, but I can doll myself up pretty good, too. I think me an' her are just like two peas in a pod!" Deputy Harford, for his part, said that he hoped Watson's Kirsch-esque reign of terror would soon come to an end. "Now, I've never arrested Ellie Mae, 'cause it'd be more trouble than it's worth," he admitted. "But just the same, it'd be nice if she'd keep her hands off everyone else's stuff. But then, I guess you could say the same thing about Miss Kirsch, too." |
| |
| FORWARD TO A FRIEND |
| |
| |
|
Seaside Lovers Upset by Top-10 Snub
May 27, 2008 –
Memorial Day visitors to Seaside Heights expressed anger that the popular New Jersey shore town had been left off the state's first-ever "Top 10 Beaches" list. "I seen the other beaches they put on there, and it was some bullshit," fumed Ricky Morgan, 24, of Union, vigorously picking his nose while smoking a joint on Funtown Pier. "Cape May and Stone Harbor? C'mon, man! Them shits ain't shit compared to Seaside!"
 17-year-old Jenny O'Doyle, of Brick, was also upset that the resort had not ranked higher on the list, which was chosen by public poll. "I always have a great time when I'm in Seaside," she smiled, mulling the purchase of a "Pork Me, I'm Irish" t-shirt at one of the boardwalk's many novelty-clothing vendors. "For one thing, my fake ID, like, never works in any of those other towns." According to Mike Giordano, 22, of Spotswood, "Look, assface–Seaside's got the four B's: boardwalk, booze, and bitches," he cackled, stepping over a used condom in front of Club XS. "Anyone who don't think it's the shit can kiss my ass!"
Marsha Samuel, of the poll-organizing New Jersey Marine Sciences Consortium, defended the list. "Over 15,000 respondents weighed the beaches' various merits, and we think their choices were quite fair," she said. "And, to be perfectly honest, there's a reason why people call [Seaside Heights] 'Seaslime.'" 18-year-old Lakewood resident Tristan Ronaldson, though, seemed inclined to disagree. "Seriously, it's gotta be the best beach in the whole state. Even though I think I mighta gotten herpes when I was down here last summer."
|
| |
| FORWARD TO A FRIEND |
| |
| |
|
|
