Cutting Costs, US Airways Introduces Communal Sick Bag
May 6, 2008 –
US Airways, Philadelphia International Airport's principal carrier, yesterday introduced a surprising cost-cutting measure: the replacement of individual seat-back sick bags for a single, shared five-gallon sack. "In the face of skyrocketing gas prices, shrinking profit margins, and a slowing economy, this was a move that we simply had to make," said company president Scott Kirby at a Center City news conference, holding up the huge wax-paper receptacle. "The savings to us won't be colossal–roughly $8.6 million per year–but in today's market, every dollar counts."
 Industry watchers were immediately critical of the off-putting new measure. "It's one thing to cut meal service, or charge extra for aisle seats," said Mike Armstrong of The Philadelphia Inquirer. "It's another thing entirely to make people pass around a half-full bag of vomit." Marjorie Hanson of The Philadelphia Business Journal agreed. "There must be a less-revolting way to save that money," she said. "Airline passengers have put up with quite a lot over the years, but with this move, US Airways may have finally crossed the line."
Frequent flyer Kent Graham seemed to back up Hanson's assertion. "I've never gotten sick on a plane, but I've seen it happen plenty of times," he grimaced, waiting for a flight to Atlanta in the airport's Terminal B. "But if people are handing around a big, sloshy sack of puke? I think that might set me off, you know?" Kirby, for his part, assured passengers that, while currently skeptical, they would eventually get used to the idea of a communal sick bag. "In recent decades, there have been many changes in the way people fly–from banning cigarettes to installing headrest TVs," he said, still holding the two-foot-tall bag. "This is just another in a long line of changes. A gross one, yes–but a change nonetheless."
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Report: Sharper Image’s Closure to Ravage City Economy
May 6, 2008 –
A grim report issued yesterday by Temple University economists warns that next week's closure of the Walnut St. Sharper Image store will have a catastrophic effect on the local economy. "Although the troubles caused by Philadelphia's shrinking industrial base are familiar, Sharper Image's bankruptcy represents an equal threat to the city's fiscal well-being," said the report, co-authored by professors Sivram Patel and Marcia Downing. "The region will suddenly lose its top purveyor of vibrating ottomans and singing Elvis heads. And that may well spell disaster in the months to come."
 Area experts agreed with the findings in the 238-page analysis. "This is a moment we have long dreaded," admitted Center City financial consultant John Rathbone. "Without remote-control robo-dogs and six-foot-tall models of the Predator, it will be very, very difficult for the city to move forward." Gary Washington of the Greater Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce elaborated. "The store's closure will cause the loss of 17 jobs, but perhaps more importantly, it'll be a knockout blow to our vital luxury-doodad sector. If Brookstone doesn't move to fill in the gap, we are in serious trouble."
Consumers, meanwhile, were distressed to be losing the venerable seller of sno-cone makers, mini-herb gardens, and electric pillows. "Over the years, I've bought waterproof slippers, microwavable socks, a stuffed-panda iPod dock..." wept Tina Lacey, 44, as she browsed the closing sale-ravaged store. "Where will I go for the essentials?" Unfortunately for such residents, the report offered no easy answers. "Even without the loss of Sharper Image, Philadelphia is facing massive fiscal problems, including a looming budget crisis and a stagnating housing market," it read. "This new obstacle will complicate matters greatly–and, ironically, there will be nowhere to purchase a Warm 'n' Bubbly Foot-BathTM to ease the pain."
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