Report: Dougherty Not Kidding April 15, 2008 –
Philadelphia's political community was stunned by yesterday's Drexel University report which found that the State Senate campaign of union head John Dougherty was not, as most have assumed, an elaborate comic prank. "Dougherty's hilariously clichéd advertisements [see video below] and amusingly transparent message of 'change' have been viewed by many as a winking joke," said the report, co-authored by Josephine Graham and Troy Lindsay. "But after four weeks of exhaustive study, we came to a surprising conclusion: there is not a drop of irony involved. John Dougherty is seriously running for office."
The city's political commentators were astonished to learn that Dougherty had been serious since announcing his candidacy over a month ago. "I thought the premise was brilliant," said the Philadelphia Daily News' Dave Davies. "An oily South Philly kingpin replacing another oily South Philly kingpin [Vince Fumo]–and presenting himself as a reform candidate? It's classic comedy. Although I guess the joke's been on us the whole time." Monica Yant-Kinney of The Philadelphia Inquirer agreed. "Dougherty is a guy who always seems one slip-up away from prison, and he's been out there promoting himself like he's Michael Nutter," she said. "I'd thought the whole thing was a really sophisticated gag. Now I'm just worried."
Dougherty's opponents in the April 22 Democratic primary were equally alarmed. "Sure, I'd seen the ads and everything, but I couldn't believe they were for real–I mean, c'mon, they looked like something you'd see on Saturday Night Live," said Center City lawyer Larry Farnese. "In all honesty, I thought it was just between me and Anne [Dicker]." Dicker, a Queen Village community activist, simply hoped that Tuesday's election would remain a two-person affair. "The Drexel report is a shock, but I still feel very positive about my chances," she said. "And, besides, I'm not completely convinced that he's serious."
Philadelphia Will Never be World-Class Without an Apple Store In the Community Tristan Burke
Philadelphia has long dreamt of becoming a world-class city on a par with Paris, San Francisco, or Berlin. For years now, its mayors, council members, and civic leaders have pointed to its rejuvenated downtown, excellent museums, and cutting-edge restaurants as indicators of a bright, bustling future. But when they make such claims, these rah-rah boosters are willfully ignoring a disturbing reality: Philadelphia will never be a world-class city without an Apple Store.
The inexplicable lack of an Apple Store here is clearly a tragedy that ranks among the city's most distressing problems. I imagine that most Philadelphians would agree. When I moved to Center City from suburban Delaware in 2006, I thought that I was relocating to a place that valued its young intellectuals–after all, we're a group that's crucial to slowing the area's so-called "brain drain." I naturally assumed that America's sixth-largest city would have at least one Apple Store–maybe even two. So you can imagine the nausea that came over me when I found that Philadelphia had not a single Apple-sponsored outlet to service my iPod, iPhone, or MacBook.
For the first few months, I comforted myself with the thought that, surely, an Apple Store would be on its way, right? Right?
Wrong.
A year and a half after arriving here, I am still bravely doing without.
As a high-end sneaker designer, it's a struggle, to put it mildly. Sure, there are a couple of independent "Apple Stores"–but they just can't match the incredible 2001: A Space Odyssey feel that you get when you walk into an authentic location in King of Prussia, Ardmore, or Cherry Hill.
That's right. While we stumble along blindly, no Jobsian heaven to guide us forward, the lowly Cherry Hills of the world are soaring proudly into the future!
I don't think I need to tell you how poorly this reflects on Philadelphia.
It's an ugly stain on this supposedly great city to be stuck in a 20th-century mindset, its PC-centric computer stores filling you with boredom and revulsion–not the almost sexual excitement that an Apple Store can stir up. Yes, I know, I can buy earbuds or a carrying case at Springboard or Bundy–but neither shop comes within ten miles of triggering my Cowper's glands.
So, what to do? If this bleak situation isn't rectified soon, I see no other rational option than to leave this stubbornly tech-primitive cave and settle in a place that values the sleek vitality of Apple Stores. Hey–maybe I'll move to Marlton, NJ. After all, there's an Apple Store there.
Philadelphia Will Never be World-Class Without an Apple Store
