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July 26, 1944 Ð Prisoner Poetically Obsessed With Alcohol, Breasts, Intercourse
A 23-year-old man being held at Moyamensing Prison on a recent charge of draft evasion seems to be unhealthily obsessed with alcohol, breasts, and sexual intercourse, according to bemused penitentiary officials. ÒNight and day, the prisoner in question, a Mr. Henry Charles Bukowski, sits in his cell, scribbling these incredibly obscene poems,Ó Warden Dwight Burton said yesterday. ÒThe things this fellow writes would make your hair stand on end.Ó

To illuminate his assertion, Burton produced a sample of the young manÕs voluminous writings, which read:

The whores
They fuck and fuck and fuck

Christ,
I could use a drink.


Another, scrawled in pencil on a paper napkin, read:

IÕd like to have

a fat, stinking tit in my
mouth
But that is where

The
god
damn
whisky
bottle
goes.


Bukowski, a Fairmount Motors worker who resides on the 1600 block of Green St., was surprisingly dismissive of both the filthy poems and of life itself. ÒThe writing is just something I do; it helps to keep myself from jumping out the goddamn window or stuffing my head in the oven,Ó he muttered from his cellÕs narrow wooden bed. ÒBut whatÕs so bad about death anyway? It canÕt be any worse than this shit they call Ôlife.ÕÓ Burton, meanwhile, charitably viewed the troubled manÕs poems as appalling, but benign. ÒThis is not the sort of thing we would normally encourage,Ó he admitted. ÒBut as long as he keeps these disgusting thoughts on paper, I donÕt quite see the harm in it. And besides, itÕs not as if anyone would ever publish the stuff.Ó
 
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December 5, 1978 Ð Class Annoyed by Young Shyamalan's Show-and-Tell Presentations
Eight-year-old Penn Valley resident Manoj Shyamalan has been annoying classmates with a series of ludicrous show-and-tell presentations, according to his Penn Valley Elementary School teacher. ÒEach week, Manoj stands up with a comic book or an action figure and tells a long, convoluted story about it,Ó moaned Doris Vinson yesterday, rolling her eyes. ÒThen he has this Ôbig finish' that contradicts the whole thing. It was kind of neat the first time, but it's really gotten tedious.Ó

December 5, 1978 Ð Class Annoyed by Young Shyamalan's Show-and-Tell PresentationsShyamalan's fellow second-graders were also dismissive of the melodramatic presentations. ÒLast week, he had a Ziggy comic, and he said his dad cut it out of the newspaper for him,Ó remembered Jennifer Behrens, 8. ÒAnd then he goes, ÔBut... my dad doesn't get the newspaper.' It was so silly.Ó According to Ben Humphries, 9, ÒManoj is a fart-head. He always acts like his show-and-tells are cool, but they're not cool at all. They're the stupidest.Ó

Shyamalan, however, seemed impervious to such complaints. ÒI don't care if they don't like my show-and-tells,Ó he said, squinting mysteriously. ÒI'm working on my next one right now. It's about how my baseball glove is magicalÉ or is it?Ó Vinson, for her part, said that she would allow the youngster to continue with his wearying presentations. ÒEven though it's gotten tiring, I'll let him keep doing show-and-tell,Ó she sighed. ÒHe puts a lot of effort into each story, and he really does enjoy himself. Unfortunately, he doesn't understand that he's pretty much the only one.Ó
 
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