July 1, 1989 Ð Fleer to Slip More Curses into Baseball Cards
With collectors nationwide eagerly snapping up packs of Fleer baseball cards in hopes of finding the elusive Bill Ripken ÒFuck FaceÓ cardÑon which the phrase is written on the Baltimore Orioles second basemanÕs bat-handleÑthe Philadelphia-based company has announced plans to slip even more curses into its 1990 set. ÒBecause of two little words on Billy RipkenÕs bat, our sales have jumped 126% in the last three months alone,Ó Fleer Vice Chairman Donald Peck said in an interview yesterday. ÒSo, as a responsibility to our workers, our shareholders, and, most importantly, our collectors, FleerÕs baseball cards must become increasingly filthy.Ó
 Reaction to the announcement, however, contrasted sharply with PeckÕs ebullience. ÒIt might seem like a good idea at the moment, but I donÕt think they should lean on the fuck-face thing too heavily,Ó said Bruce Casciano, owner of Cherry HillÕs BruceÕs House of Baseball. ÒAlthough, you know, I wouldnÕt mind seeing Darryl Strawberry with ÔShit EaterÕ going up his sleeve.Ó South PhiladelphiaÕs Harriet Mayhew was simply angered by childrenÕs exposure to the R-rated card. ÒJust yesterday, my nine-year-old said, ÔMommy, mommy, I want the fuck face,Ó she fumed. ÒWhatÕs this world coming to when a little boy learns that kind of language from a baseball card?Ó
Peck seemed unmoved by such protests. ÒNext yearÕs edition will feature exciting phrases like ÔAss HeadÕ, ÔPussy MonsterÕ, and ÔButt Slammer SupremeÕÑon the bats, gloves, and caps of such stars as Kevin Mitchell, Mike Greenwell, and Rick Reuschel,Ó he said. ÒFleer has seen the futureÑand itÕs all thanks to one fun-loving prankster in the Orioles clubhouse.Ó Phillies players, for their part, seemed disinclined to go along with PeckÕs plan. ÒYouÕd better believe IÕm going to check everything before a Fleer guy takes my picture,Ó vowed shortstop Dickie Thon. ÒItÕs bad enough my nameÕs ÔDickie.ÕÓ
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February 4, 2005 Ð Belichick Taking Offensive Preparations in Stride
New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick calmly admitted yesterday that, with just two days left until Super Bowl XXXIX, he had not yet prepared a specific offensive game plan to use against the Eagles. ÒWell, you know, we'll see what they're doing, and we'll react to it,Ó he said at a morning press conference, smirking oddly as he leaned back in his chair. ÒBut don't you guys worry about the New England PatriotsÑwe'll be just fine.Ó
 Eagles coaches were taken aback by Belichick's laissez-faire attitude towards the year's biggest game. ÒFor the past week and a half, we've been watching tape, going over schemes, working on plays,Ó said offensive assistant Mark Whipple, tiredly rubbing his eyes. ÒI don't know how you'd get away with not preparing.Ó Head coach Andy Reid was similarly baffled. ÒI admit, I was pretty surprised to hear what Bill said,Ó he frowned. ÒBut they've been to the Super Bowl the past two years, so they must be doing something right.Ó
Belichick, meanwhile, refused to explain his strangely laid-back stance. ÒLet's just say we feel pretty good about our chances on Sunday,Ó he said, suppressing a sly grin. ÒWe've got a Ôsystem' in place that'll help us, that's as much as I'll tell you.Ó When pressed as to what that system might actually entail, he became suddenly belligerent. ÒDon't worry about it, okay? I'm not about to start telling you guys the secret to our success!Ó |
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